I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
