I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
