Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
