I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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