We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
