how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i drank out of a bidet.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
