Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
