You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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