I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
