just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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