Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
