I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
