okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
