You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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