so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
