my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
