I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
