You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
