I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
