you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
