I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
