i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
