somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
All the doctor said was why
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
