God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
