i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
