she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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