So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
