He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Someone came in the potted fern
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
