I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
