I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
