I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
