I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
