just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
