he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
