How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
