So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
