Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
