Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
