I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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