Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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