At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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