Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My vagina is officially offended.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
