Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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