Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i came on her dog
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
