I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
PANTIES FOUND
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
