he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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