so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
