I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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