this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm having to shit out rocks
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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