i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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