I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
