so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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