I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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