better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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