umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
