We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
