our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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