and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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