I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
