are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
