i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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