Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I fill condoms, not promises.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
