Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
