I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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