K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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