There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I am one with the molecules
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
