you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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