Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
